AS well as clocking off at 6pm on Fridays, Keir Starmer has announced he will take hourly fag breaks in the garden of Downing Street.
The prime minister has ringfenced a minimum of eight 15-minute cigarette breaks in the working day for him to focus, enjoy a Silk Cut and give one to Angela bloody Rayner when she comes out on the scrounge.
He said: “My Cabinet and I are ordinary Britons in touch with the common man, by which I mean we’re chemically addicted to nicotine.
“I won’t be doing a single work-related thing during those breaks. A warning of nuclear war wouldn’t drag me back to the desk. I’ll handle it better after I’ve had a fag.
“You need motivation to get through the day in this job, and I’ll concentrate better on Reeves banging on about greyfield sites if I’ve got a gasper to look forward to. Also speeds up making decisions.
“Some of my cabinet will be joining me out there in all weathers, some won’t. Yvette Cooper gets sniffy. Conversely Liz Kendall’s usually lighting one off the stub of her last.”
He added: “Vape? You didn’t elect the Lib f**king Dems.”
