FOUND yourself rooting for that bastard Cummings now that he’s putting the boot into Johnson? Come to terms with this development:
Pretend it’s natural and healthy
We all change and develop over time; children become adults, adults become right-wing pensioners. Your righteous fury at a man who drove to Barnard Castle to test his eyesight is no different. By outright cheering the baldy f**ker on, you can pretend you’re displaying maturity. Maturity that goes against every fibre of who you were in May 2020.
Accept that nobody’s perfect
His tweets read like they’ve been typed by AI, but Cummings is human and fallible as any of us. So what if he lied the entire nation into f**king Brexit with a f**king bus? It’s water under the bridge now you have a common enemy you want to kick shit out of.
Remember that it’s only temporary
A week is a long time in politics. 20 months under this government in a pandemic is a bloody lifetime. Just because you’re on Cummings’s side today doesn’t mean you’re committed. When he calls Johnson a liar under oath, hold your nose and think of kittens in baskets. Then go back to hating the prick.
Forget the past
Cummings is only a puffed-up twat who dresses like a student on rag week if you choose to focus on it. By jettisoning his actions, political views and contemptuous attitude for anyone who doesn’t share his visionary genius, you’ll find that he’s a decent bloke who should be listened to.
Practice self-care
Siding with the man you dreamed of beating with his dickhead Bitcoin-mining laptop in 2020 will take a toll on your mental and physical health. Run a bath, eat chocolates, smoke weed or whatever the latest bollocks wellness trend recommends. Fickle turncoats like you deserve to be pampered.
