RISHI Sunak and Keir Starmer faced each other in a head-to-head debate last night. How much did you see before disgust overwhelmed you? 

Steve Malley, jeweller: “40 seconds. Once I realised they hadn’t replaced Starmer with Farage even though he’s the opposition now, I was done.”

Charlie Phelps, eyebrow threader: “Two-and-a-half minutes. Though to be fair in that time I was extremely impressed with how radically Love Island had switched up its format.”

Oli O’Connor, moped mugger: “19 minutes, but only because I was intrigued to see what barrel-scraping brands would advertise during that shite. Oven chips, if you’re interested.”

Wayne Hayes, security consultant: “None. I thought it was pay-per-view.”

Jo Kramer, teacher: “The whole thing, and then they didn’t even say who’d won. So that was a waste of f**king time.”