BREXIT now involves so much blind faith, devotion and wilful ignorance of earthly consequences that it qualifies as an actual religion, adherents have confirmed.
As the UK’s infrastructure begins to break down, only making believers more fanatical, the Council for Religious Education agreed that Brexit must be recognised as one of the major religions of the UK.
Leave voter Roy Hobbs said: “There is only one truth and only one path, and that path is Brexit. Only it can bring salvation.
“They considered making it a denomination of Christianity, because we all say we’re Christians when we’re ranting about immigrants, but we don’t want some bloody do-gooder in charge. We’re more one of those fire-and-blood religions.
“Empty supermarket shelves? Closed Nando’s? No milkshakes at McDonald’s? I don’t see ‘em mate. Because the scales have fallen from my eyes. Because I believe.
“The only thing holding this country back from being an paradise of nationalism are the non-believers which must be purged and the Great Satan, or as you call it the EU. Saddle up, everyone. Time for a new crusade.”
Boris Johnson said: “This means I’m the Messiah, which honour I humbly accept. I have to say I always knew.”
