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Power Thinking, with Dr Morris O'Connor

Power away your fears.

ASIDE from restraining orders and a lack of cartilage in my left knee, the thing that has held me back more than anything else is fear.

And what is fear? Fear is nothing but scaredness in another word. Overcome fear and in some organisations you get a badge you can sew onto clothing. So how did I overcome fear and how do you do it? How do you start living your life to maximum badge-worthy potential?

I had to shoot a Labrador to overcome my fears. It let my then business partner know what I was capable of, but it might not be so simple for you. First you have to understand the difference between thoughts and feelings.

A handsome friend of mine said: “Morris I’m not going for that intercontinental ballistic missile design job anymore.” “Why not, it’s well paid and I hear the Christmas parties at BAE are off the hook,” I replied. “Because I know nothing about aeronautical physics and I’m scared they’ll find out what I’ve written on my CV is a lie,” he said. “Okay you’re annoying me. What you’ve written on your CV is just thoughts, but how do you feel about designing missiles?” He thought for a moment and replied: “I feel cool, I’ve got some ace ideas for warheads and shit.” He showed me some sketches. “These look deadly, I’d fire them off. Seriously, don’t listen to your fears, these do look cool, is that supposed to be an antenna?” “Yeah, it’s an antenna for picking up steering directions and so forth,” he explained.

Did he get the job? I don’t know, I didn’t follow up, so it’s not important, but the point is he went for the interview. Why? Because I showed him the difference between irrational fears and actually going for a job that wouldn’t be boring to talk about at dinner parties. I also showed him you have to believe in yourself and it’s wise to get a second opinion from a positive person who thinks attitude is qualification you can’t just write on a so-called ‘CV’.

Fear can hold us back in so many areas of life like love, business or watching The Ring. Every time I get scared I think what am I missing out on if I don’t do this and realistically could anyone trace it back to me?

 

Dr Morris O’Connor is the best selling author of Stop Being A Pussy, Honestly It’s Annoying: Business Advice For Chickens.

 

 

Childhood eating disorders may be caused by shit food, say experts

CHILDHOOD eating disorders may be caused by giving them plate after plate of food that is just shit, experts have claimed.

Researchers found that children as young as seven are looking down at their breadcrumbed abattoir scrapings and deciding to watch television while chewing a sock.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute For Studies, said: “Many people seem to think that eight year-olds are flicking through Vogue and comparing themselves unfavourably to a six-foot Amazon modelling shoes on a yacht.

“I think it’s more likely that they’re being served dinners that don’t change even slightly from kitchen to toilet.

“Say what you like about kids eating their own bogies but at least they’re not full of hydrogenated salt and trans-mashed poultry beak.”

Eating disorders have also risen sharply amongst wealthier families in direct correlation to the decline in parents telling their offspring that they can either eat their dinner or wear it like a fucking hat.

Tests showed that middle-class children who were not indulged as fussy eaters soon regained their appetite when told their tasty meal of fresh meat and vegetables would be spending the evening either in their stomach or rammed playfully into their Xbox.

But the majority of cases still came from amongst the country’s poorest children, where the average meal’s main source of vegetable was the ketchup in the ‘serving suggestion’ photograph.

Brubaker added: “Anyone doubting our findings should pop into their local Iceland. It’s like a David Cronenberg film about a psychotic vet.”

 

 

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