subscribe
/ Sign Out

Power Thinking, with Dr Morris O'Connor

Power Sports.

It’s elegant, it’s aggressive, it’s synonymous with high quality watches and you can eat as many potassium rich bananas as you want during the act.

I’m talking about tennis and also, now I think about it, a lap dance at a high-end gentleman’s club. Wimbledon is upon us and it’s time to learn from the world’s second most sophisticated sportsmen, after golfers.

I could have gone pro myself, but I chose a path of higher learning, so that I may help you. But, be under no disillusion, my tennis style and attire has made women embarrass themselves in front of their husbands and my serve has made those same women beg for mercy.

‘Stop serving me so hard Morris,’ my wife Pae Pwang-O’Connor said last week in her adorable broken English. ‘No, I shall not. You stay there. The closer you are to my service ball, the closer you are to my power,’ I shouted. ‘Are you in crisis again?’ she asked. I didn’t respond. Some of my investments are not doing so well, but I’m definitely not in ‘crisis’. I think Pae was projecting on me, the terrifying thing for her is that my second serve is more powerful than my first – it’s like being put in an arm lock and then given a Chinese burn.

The game of tennis is very much like life. You’re out there on your own, it’s your game, you decide how to play it, but in life there’s no umpire, or seating, or nets and most people do not have a racquet-shaped briefcase.

Many of the pro tennis players could easily have had huge careers in business. Federer could have been a powerhouse in banking, Nadal a king in retail, Murray would have made excellent money in high intensity farming. I can’t imagine any animal that wouldn’t grow to its maximum size under Andy’s firm guidance. The one quality, aside from money, that unites them all is focus.

Through understanding the mindset of the professional tennis player you too can boost your success yield. Don’t pay attention for a second in tennis and you could have a ball flying at over 100 miles an hour straight onto your ear, or lip, or worse you could serve irresponsibly and hit a ball-boy in the genitals.

As I said to our Chris, my 11 year-old son, after the accident, ‘if Labradors could be genetically bred to have dryer mouths you wouldn’t have to do this’.

Dr Morris O’Connor is the best-selling author of New Life Balls Please: Forehanding Your Way to Success

Weddings in stupid places to bankrupt Britain

MILLIONS of Britons are facing financial ruin because their friends keep getting married in distant, expensive places they have only visited once.

New figures show 64 per cent of households listed friends’ foreign weddings, which are basically compulsory holidays to places they do not really want to visit, as the foremost drain on their already embattled finances.

Julian Cook, chief economist at Donnelly-McPartlin, said: “If anyone complains it’s because they hate the idea of love in any form and have a pus-filled blister where their heart should be’.

“Having a wedding is like being a baby again. You can do more or less what you want and everyone you know just has to handle it.”

He added: “Historically, the people getting married would do so where they lived. Chances were that many of the invited guests would also hail from the area, making it a pretty good set-up for all concerned, logistically speaking.

“You could get the whole thing done and dusted in a day and nobody had to bugger about with typhoid injections.

“However, somewhere along the line some marketing bastards decided the local approach wasn’t ‘memorable’ enough and basically rewired the whole thing into a nightmare.”

Martin Bishop, 31, from Finsbury Park, said : “This year I’ve been to seven weddings in nine countries. I wish all my friends were in jail.”

Next story ›