READY for this tedious, pointless meeting to end, so you can get the f**k out of there? Not so fast, these six arseholes will always have something to add.
The Bad Listener
Despite having sat through the same presentation as all the rest of you, this moron has managed to mishear, misunderstand and misinterpret every last word of it. Watch her ask for clarification on every point, even when it’s about something that has nothing to do with her or her department.
The Boaster
Not to keep anyone from their coffee or the work that urgently needs doing, but this twat needs to tell everyone about something mildly impressive that they did last week, which they think merits a standing ovation. Who knew that changing the font on order forms would up consumer satisfaction 2%? Who gives a toss?
The Shit-Stirrer
Remember that email someone sent round weeks ago that pissed off everyone in Accounts? Well, would you believe it, this pain in the arse thinks now is the right time to bring it up again, and give everyone the opportunity to air their grievances in such a way that this meeting now cuts into your lunch hour. Prick.
The Philosopher
Speaking of things that are irrelevant, would anyone like to hear a ten-minute monologue about how to approach client servicing? This pompous wanker thinks so, and he will turn his own ‘quick question’ into a meandering, incoherent treatise that motivates no one and, incidentally, will prevent actual f**king work getting done.
The Arse Licker
This brown-nosing little shit wants to thank the boss for their amazing skill at chairing the meeting, and express their gratitude for the valuable new insights they have gained into the machinations of the company. They are angling for a promotion, but they aren’t going to get one for extending this monotonous nightmare, however far they stick their tongue up their line manager’s sphincter.
The Reasonable Contributor
Yes, of course, it actually does make perfect sense for this person to raise this point now. And really, yes, it is important that you do get to the bottom of this before you carry on with the rest of your day. But fundamentally, you need a piss. So that means they’re getting lumped in with all the other arseholes, too. Just send an email instead, you wanker.
