Society

A day in the life of a bigoted old white couple who'll decide our next PM

THE Tory leadership contest will soon be decided by the white, retired grassroots. So who are these key voters? Here party members Roy and Barbara Hobbs describe a typical day.

Free stuff, ranked from worst to best

THE best things in life are free, it’s claimed, but hotel Bibles are both free and crap. Gratis stuff, ranked...

Six locations to stay the f**k away from because it's the school holidays

THE summer holidays have begun, ruining these locations for the next six weeks. Stay the f**k away.

The parents' guide to giving your kid horribly pretentious middle names

ONE of benefits of having children is boosting your own status with pretentious, aspirational middle names. Try cursing them with these before they’re old enough to get a deed poll.

'I wasted the best years of my life on Twitter': The future regrets of Generation Z

PEOPLE currently regret things like spending all their time at work, but in the future the young, online Generation Z will have its own problems. Such as these.

Are you in hell or at your nan's house? Take our quiz

NOT sure if you are burning in the eternal flames of damnation or merely at your nan's house? Find out with our quiz.

The wankers have got there first, Britain learns

TODAY the UK is to attempt to visit a beach, open-air pool or country park only to discover the wankers have got there first.

Revealed: How a once-thriving Northern town was ruined by wokeness

ONCE, the South Yorkshire town of Cleckburton was a thriving industrial hub. Today its shops are boarded up and there are no job, hopes or prospects for its inhabitants.

Cost of living not worth it

THE amount it costs to be alive in Britain does not offer value for money, it has been confirmed.

The seven things you hate about your mate from school you can't dump

DO you have an unbreakable bond of friendship with a mate from school you can’t stand? This is how he’ll plague you until your dying day.