Society

ARE popular, lauded and hugely famous people now a good decade younger than you? Keep telling yourself you’ve got plenty of time with these tips.

A MAN’S once-functioning gaydar is so outdated it is no longer able to detect anyone who came out post-millennium.

ESTATE agents are dutybound to polish even the most awful of turds. Here’s how they’d present these nightmare scenarios.

YOUNG people were put on this Earth to make you feel old and irrelevant. Here are five recent things which, depressingly, will mean nothing to them.

EVER fancied driving a train? Let us, the government, give you the chance. Don’t worry, it’s like riding a bike, except it weighs 200 tonnes and can easily cause hundreds of deaths.

STRIKING for better pay and conditions is vital, but walking four miles to get to work is a huge pain in the arse. How is your brain arguing with itself about the strikes?

A-LEVELS have been overshadowed this year, but they’re still traumatising a new generation of students. Let’s relive that magical time of fear, insane levels of stress and wanting to cry.

MISSING your daily ritual of pissing off everyone on your train? Recreate it from home.

HORDES of commuters desperate to escape London before the rail strike are clinging to the last GWR Class 800 to leave King’s Cross, it has been confirmed.

THE world ending means not having to pay off your mortgage, so people are dead keen on it. But these civilisation-culminating events did f**k-all.