Society

What to do if you don't get the grades you need, by a neurotic middle class mum

IT’S the moment every parent dreads - your child failing to get into their Oxbridge college of choice. So what do you do next? Overambitious parent Charlotte Phelps gives her advice.

Degenerate freaks without families don't deserve help, political leaders confirm

PEOPLE who are not members of ‘hard-working families’ are strange freaks of nature who do not deserve government help, all major parties have confirmed.

'What the frigging f**k?' and other reasonable reactions to Iceland loans for food

ICELAND is offering loans for hard-up shoppers to buy food. If you’re wondering if this is some new low for Britain, you’re not alone. Here’s what you’re probably thinking.

Just ask for a pay rise: the government's solution to falling wages

SO what if UK wages have been hit by soaring inflation? Get around yet another financial catastrophe with this governmental advice.

Why free tampons are the end of human civilisation. By Roy Hobbs

SO. It’s happened. In a move sure to spread like bubonic plague, Scotland has decided to make period products free in a final victory for the feminazi stormtroopers of woke.

Five childhood traumas your parents still refer to as 'character building'

THEY f**k you up, your mum and dad. Philip Larkin said they don't mean to, but you've got your doubts. Here are five traumas they inflicted which they still classify as 'character building'.

I'm a low-income pensioner and I'm terrified of university cancel culture this winter

I’M 72 years old. I live on the basic state pension. And I don’t know how I’m going to cope come the winter. I’ve never been so worried in all my life. But here we are. 

The wide-eyed tourist's guide to f**king off the locals

OFF on your holidays? Want to annoy the locals with your infuriating enthusiasm? Do these things.

The Guardian reader's top 10 self-indulgent problems to write in about

THE Guardian's Lifestyle section offers practical advice to middle class people with non-problems. Here are the most common inconsequential dilemmas it solves.

Did your degree improve your 'earning potential' or was it f**king useless? Take Rishi Sunak's quiz

RISHI Sunak says he will phase out degrees that do not improve 'earning potential' if he becomes Prime Minister. Did yours, or was it just a fun way to piss cash up the wall? Find out.