Society

RUMOURS of a Happy Mondays reunion have been quashed after it was revealed to be a group of heroin addicts near some swings.

THE August riots were provoked by the people who were nowhere to be seen for the first two days, a study has found.

EXPECTANT mothers frequenting high street coffee shops risk passing on Italian traits to their unborn children, it has been claimed.

THE BBC has issued an apology after comments by Jeremy Clarkson made it possible for Piers Morgan to appear relatively human.

RESEARCHERS into the phenomenon of tiny dog ownership have been unable to fathom why you would want one of those things in your house.

THE tidal wave of woe sweeping the UK is such that ordinary, sane adults are actually quite looking forward to Christmas.

BRITAIN was trapped in a 'death spiral' of infinite complaints last night.

ALASTAIR Campbell is exactly the same as a tabloid newspaper, experts have confirmed.

BRITAIN'S public sector workers have been allowed out on strike today as long as they are home before it gets too dark.

THAT pissed bird on that video, right, was like totally spot on, wun't she, it was confirmed last night.