Society

MEN are turning to a life of carefree homosexuality to avoid the expense of wives and children, it has emerged.

THE London riots are the inevitable consequence of a society that includes some arseholes who like to steal things instead of working, experts claimed last night.

THOUSANDS of middle class people worried about job security have signed up for a two week course in looting.

CHANGES to the higher education system will turn the majority of British homes into a degree-granting university, it has been confirmed.

CHILDRENS' constant use of screen-based technology is making them much less of a pain in the arse, it has emerged.

THE majority of British adults should be killed by the government, according to a new survey.

EXCEPTIONAL students will be offered a guaranteed loss of virginity by universities vying to recruit them, it has emerged.

TRANSPORTING food into a field to eat it is a worthless endeavour, it has been confirmed.      

EVERY copy of the News of the World printed since 1999 contained a tiny, hidden microphone, it has emerged.

LIBERAL western culture does not seem to have noticed it is under dire threat, experts have confirmed.