Society

UNDERGROUND train drivers have rejected an offer of some extra money for no reason, because they are fine.

WITH Wikipedia laid low by chronic indignation, the Daily Mash has unselfishly stepped into the breach with a list of today's Top Ten Must-Have facts.

MICHAEL Gove today called for everyone to get annoyed about the Queen's unrelenting pointlessness.

LOCAL authorities celebrated last night after a High Court ruling gave them the right to impound cars just totally on a whim.

EVERYONE has apologised for everything they have ever done, said, or spelled wrong.

SUPPORT for the high speed rail link between London and Birmingham was muted yesterday as nobody really wants to go there.

BRITAIN is to be dipped in antiseptic after hearing the oozing testimony of Kelvin Mackenzie.

DOZENS of popular candidates have emerged for the first round of semi-voluntary lethal injections.

A CAT that has returned to its owners after spending a week missing cannot recall where it has been.

SMOKERS who officially gave up on New Year's Day have clarified what 'giving up' actually means.