Society

RACE has been named as today's topic about which Britain will talk angry, ill-informed shit.

MOST of Britain could cheerfully go on a three-day session after just one day back at work, it has emerged.

THE Daily Mail has today launched a five year plan to prevent exactly as much racism as it creates.

WOMEN MPs who get all dolled-up and pose for men's magazines are not taken seriously, experts have claimed.

PRINCE Philip has begun a damage limitation exercise after human remains were discovered at Sandringham.

THE mysterious individual who single-handedly sustained the market for pewter dragon statuettes is being held at a secure laboratory.

POLICE are appealing for witnesses after a conga line collision resulted in the deaths of 37 people during a retirement party.

THE majority of people who frequent betting shops are worth in excess of seven figures, according to new data.

BRITAIN told its mother to get the hell out of its house today after 24 hours of Machiavellian psycho-terror.

A HEART-BREAKING song by the wives of Britain's journalists remains resolutely unbought, it has been confirmed.