Society

THE government is to continue its successful policy of banning drugs with 'legal highs' joining other obsolete substances like heroin and ecstasy.

FOOTAGE from a thermal imaging camera has proved that capitalism is not actually working.

EARTH'S spiraling human population will soon make it impossible to get even five minutes' peace, it has been claimed.

THE design of the new £50 note will replace the first governor of the Bank of England with Pippa Middleton’s buttocks, it has been announced.

WITH half term looming, Britain's parents are steeling themselves for day trips that will inevitably end with at least one child weeping uncontrollably.

THOUSANDS of young women wearing large-framed glasses are not actually repressed nymphomaniacs, it has been revealed.

THE growing citizens' revolution across the western world is based on a Natalie Portman film that is based on a comic, it has emerged.

A RECORD number of pensioners have been granted places in care homes across Britain, amid claims the entry criteria are easier than ever.

JAZZY, a six-year-old ginger cat, has denied starting the vicious fight which left his black-and-white neighbour Sparks needing three stitches.

IN the midst of social strife Britain's traditions endure as today the country celebrates the Great Annual Sifting of the Teenagers.