Society

MORE people are visiting churches to steal metal than to worship, it has emerged.

THE government is to boost the housing market because there really isn't anything else to do, it has been confirmed.

YOUR ageing parents are planning to get themselves a 'computer with the internet', in a move that will ruin your life.

BRITAIN could soon be torn apart by toast sandwich envy, it has been claimed.

THE average British household is wasting no alcohol, according to new research.

THE huge box the child in the John Lewis advert hands to his parents contains a detailed breakdown of how they have failed him, it has emerged.

A GROUP of online trolls have been introduced to an actual woman for the first time.

THE current mania for home baking is fuelling a thriving black market in scarce ingredients, it has emerged.

CHARITY phenomenon Nosevember has launched, with thousands of men grooming their nostril hairs in funny and eccentric ways.

ECONOMIC collapse, nuclear brinksmanship and an asteroid are signs that tomorrow's end of days is shaping up well, it has been claimed.