Society

BRITAIN'S favourite TV chefs are trying to kill you.

THE human race has told 2012 to piss off two weeks early.

PEOPLE driving to work after a night of heavy drinking have denied that drunk feelings and drunkenness are the same thing.

SCIENTISTS have laughed in the face of the apocalypse from their nuclear bunker beneath a mountain.

BRITAIN will become a fully-integrated society when everyone can express their mutual contempt in the same language, Ed Miliband has claimed.

EXPERTS are urging Britons to start preparing their Christmas arguments no later than 5pm today.

THE success of Bavarian-style Christmas markets is due to a phenomenon that makes crud desirable when placed in a rustic-looking shed.

PEOPLE who fall over often feel a deep sense of humiliation, it has been claimed.

PEOPLE who see themselves as 'spiritual' are to planning mark Christmas in a non-relgious but still irritating fashion.

CAMPAIGNERS against gay rights have a quaint, old world charm, say experts.