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'Shed effect' turns crud into gold

THE success of Bavarian-style Christmas markets is due to a phenomenon that makes crud desirable when placed in a rustic-looking shed.

Psychologist Tom Booker has been investigating the ‘shed effect’ since he visited a Christmas market last year and inexplicably purchased some salad tongs made from old sticks.

Booker experimented by placing worthless items inside a shed, at which point they seemed to magically acquire value.

The crud became more desirable still as the shed was decorated with fairy-lights and fake snow.

Booker explained: “The turning point came when I put a urinal cube in the shed, and my assistant offered me £30 for it.  It defied any rational explanation.”

He believes the effect may also explain the popularity of mulled wine: “Why else would you voluntarily drink what is basically a scalding hot Glade Plug-In?”

Meanwhile, sheds have been vanishing from gardens all over the country as unscrupulous traders cash in on the effect.

Roy Hobbs from Croydon tracked down his stolen shed to a Christmas Fair on London’s South Bank:  “I went down there to ask for it back, but ended up buying a novelty clock for my wife and some toys made of wood for the kids.

“The worst part is, without my shed I’ve got nowhere to hide from them.”

 

 

Falling over 'nothing to be ashamed of'

PEOPLE who fall over often feel a deep sense of humiliation, it has been claimed.

As ice envelopes the UK there has been a 92% increase in people falling flat on their arses, with many being either deliberately ignored by onlookers or openly mocked.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Falling over can be physically painful, but it’s your pride that really takes a beating.

“You can try to laugh it off but that always looks a bit forced. Behind the smile there is despair.”

Professor Brubaker fell over in 2011 at a conference centre, bruising his arm.

“It had a polished floor, there were no grips on my shoes and I went down like a sack of shit.

“Everyone laughed, in fact someone actually said, ‘Have a nice trip mate.’

“All I wanted was a helping hand,  a few kind words and perhaps a boiled sweet. Instead I was made to feel like a pariah dog.”

Falling-over charity Falling Up is working to increase empathy towards people who lose their footing.

A spokesperson for the charity: “We’ve made a short film of celebrities falling over, you see George Clooney slip on a discarded burger box. He drops like a shot buffalo, smashing his chin on the edge of a bin.

“The message is the falling over can affect any of us, at any time, and it doesn’t mean you’re a dick.”

 

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