Society
Pope gives atheists permission to think
POPE Francis has allowed atheists to use their brains independently of God.
Angels 'can only intervene in the trivial bullshit of the self-absorbed'
ANGELS exist but can only help narcissists with trivial nonsense.
Teachers to strike because children are vile
TEACHERS are to strike because children are unbearably horrible.
Cake overrated
CAKE is not as good as everyone says it is.
School places shortage solved with uninhabited island
CHILDREN without a primary school place are being sent to live on an island without adult supervision.
Government policy to be anecdote-based
ALL UK policy decisions are to be based on anecdotal evidence, the government has announced.
London actively trying to kill humans
THE city of London has begun using lethal death-rays to wipe out its human population.
Parents celebrate end of nightmare
PARENTS across the UK are drunkenly celebrating the end of a summer of hellish full-time childcare.