Society

BRITAIN is now fully abnormal after Bez, the Happy Mondays dancing man, decided to stand for Parliament.

WORKING humans are to receive financial assistance with the cost of breeding new additions to the labour pool.

THE 'thrupenny bit'-influenced £1 coin has left pensioners unable to shut up about how cheap everything used to be.

FAVOURING your left hand does not mean you are some sort of creative genius.

ASPIRATIONAL 40p-rate taxpayers can come to Pippa Middleton's wedding, George Osborne has announced.

THE government is being urged to quicken the pace at which it pisses away the HS2 budget.

27-YEAR-OLD Tom Logan has no possessions except a few clothes and a state-of-the-art Apple laptop, it has emerged.

BRITAIN is finally safe from the perils of Tony Benn, the Sun has declared.

EVERY residential property and office in London is to become a work-residential timeshare.

HIGH earners are more likely to be good at shouting, it has emerged.