Society

KIDS are dreadful regardless of whether they have had sugar, it has emerged.

BRITAIN'S homeless people are to be eaten by imported carnivores, it has emerged.

HARRIET Harman and the Daily Mail are two sides of the same unbearable coin, experts have confirmed.

A CONSPIRACY theory outlined by office worker Tom Logan was fine until it edged into anti-Semitism, according to his colleagues.

PRE-TEENS have confirmed they detest their father's music, especially The Pixies.

A CARLISLE woman has reiterated how lovely her boyfriend's beef stew was for the third day running.

A DISTRESSED child in a park is probably just pretending for some YouTube clip about whether people are compassionate.

WALES has begged Scotland not to leave it trapped in the UK with those two other mad bastards.

THE 7,500 fake marriages conducted in the UK are happier and more likely to last than genuine marriages, according to inspectors.

YOU and everyone you know is Adolf Hitler, it has been confirmed.