Society

THE proprietor of a shop selling tasteful artisan gifts has realised it is all just so f*cking irrelevant.

A SHORTAGE of snow in the Alps has cheered up thousands who love to see the middle classes spend money on going to see some rocks.

THE social stigma attached to daytime drinking sessions has been lifted for the festive season.

THE most popular men’s Christmas presents, including books, music and computer games, no longer exist as physical things.

A MAN is being unfairly expected to do the job he is paid to do, it has emerged.

MORON parents are to call their babies things like Poe and Kylo Ren, it has been confirmed.

ANYONE unlucky enough to have a birthday in the next month might as well not bother, research has shown.

A MAN has ostensibly forgiven the accidental spillage of his pint while maintaining a threat level close to maximum.

ALL romantic relationships will soon be provided by private companies, the government has announced.

FATHERS have confirmed their plans to spent long periods of the festive season in the lavatory.