EXPERTLY carving a Halloween pumpkin is the new way to demonstrate your virility, men have confirmed.
The standard, crudely-hacked Jack O’lantern is widely considered as sign of impotence by men who spend six hours exactly copying an American design from the internet.
Joseph Turner of Bristol said: “Look at this. From the front it’s a Star Wars stormtrooper, but turn it around and it’s a TIE Fighter pilot.
“It’s not a game for amateurs. You need a set of professional carving tools and buy twice as many pumpkins as you think you need because she is an unforgiving mistress and you will make mistakes.
“Be creative, stay true to your original vision and for God’s sake don’t let the kids anywhere near it.”
The finished pumpkins will be proudly displayed in front windows tonight, wowing men and women alike with the carver’s imagination, wit and skill at manipulating something of such great size.
From tomorrow they will begin to wither away to become shrivelled, disgusting and unappealing to everyone.
