Society

A SPECIALIST soft play centre for hard evil kids has opened near Swindon.

A TIME capsule containing the Ebola virus, a bent iPhone 6 and a UKIP manifesto has been buried as a warning to future humans.

A COMMUNITY choir that welcomes all singing abilities would quite like it if the tuneless ones stopped turning up, it has emerged.

A BUS driver has confirmed that he welcomes passengers of all races, creeds and sexual orientations provided they do not try to pay with a note.

PASSENGERS on turbulent flights are pretending to read the in-flight magazine while inwardly shitting themselves.

NEW research has found that in any situation involving multiple humans one of them will be deliberately uncooperative.

SCOTLAND is capitalising on being the site of the first act of copulation with a new slogan and flag.

A FAMILY’S Waitrose food delivery contained a massive loudmouthed spider with old-fashioned sexist views.

A WAVE of terror-related break-ins have been reported from garden sheds, garages and outhouses around the UK.

A GOVERNMENT minister has urged disabled people to rent out their wheelchairs when they are not sitting in them.