Society

THE fashionable septum piercing will look cool forever much as eyebrow rings do, it has been claimed.

CHILDREN across the country are excited for a long, magical summer of being cared for by whoever is available.

A TEENAGER has taken the summer job which he will retire from in 2063.

AN AUTHENTICALLY working class area of London will be allowed to continue existing as a tourist attraction.

WEDDING guests have drawn a blank on why one of their number is wearing a kilt.

WORKERS are demanding postponement of the next tube strike so that they can think up fresh chit chat on the subject.

A 28-YEAR-OLD woman routinely takes an extravagant amount of tobacco when friends offer her a roll up.

A TOTAL bastard had kind and decent ancestors, genealogists have discovered.

OWNING a large muscular dog does not make you a well-respected community figure, it has been confirmed.

MANLY but sensitive tree surgeons are making too many women fall in love with them, it has been claimed.