Society

BINGE drinkers are highly sensitive intellectuals coping with the inherent pain of human existence, it has emerged.

THE Daily Mail will never get over the novelty of privately educated people making bad decisions, it has been confirmed.

PEOPLE who have yet to watch Adam Curtis's Bitter Lake have been banned from expressing views on anything.

LOCAL council chief Tom Logan has responded to criticism of his immense salary by confirming he is one lucky mediocre bastard.

A RESTAURANT noted for its ‘vibrant’ and ‘bustling’ atmosphere is really just a wretched hellhole of noise and heat, it has emerged.

HAVING a racist attitude is not something you can reasonably boast about, it has been confirmed.

MEN who cannot find the pub toilet disguise the fact by striding manfully, it has emerged.

CHURCH of England bishops have been accused of meddling in how humans interact.

PEOPLE with t-shirts, tote bags or Twitter bios that say 'Sarf London' have failed to grasp how cockneys talk, it has been claimed.

MEN are unable to have long hair without becoming preening narcissists, it has emerged.