Society

A COUPLE have decided to just leave their kitchen as it is.

WORN-DOWN parents have purchased a cigarette-smoking monkey as their young son’s Christmas present.

RECORD numbers of Britons are passionately pretending to have marched against climate change.

SCOTLAND is taking the day off to worship its water dinosaur, it has emerged.

ALL the alcohol that was being saved for Christmas Day has been drunk, Britain has confirmed.

A SIX-YEAR-OLD is being read the Old Testament as a fairy story by her proudly atheist father.

AN office poser has taken to wearing a scarf throughout the working day, not just when outside.

A PAIR of childless, self-satisfied twats are buying their nieces and nephews some art equipment for Christmas.

A ROBIN has described its intense dislike of everything associated with Christmas.

NOT being allowed to take a backpack into the National Gallery is proof that terrorism has won, it has been claimed.