Society

THE vast majority of the UK’s ‘banter’ fails to meet basic levels of pithiness, experts have revealed.

THERESA May has launched a brutal crackdown on people who steal toilet rolls from their employers.

WORKING class families are now eating Vienetta for dessert, it has been revealed.

EVERYTHING is falling apart so you should get a head start on your looting, experts have confirmed.

A MAN from Leeds has been forced to explain he does not know every one of the city’s 766,000 residents personally.

A WOMAN is beginning to make headway on the enormous frothy cup in front of her.

MILLIONS of Britons are physically exhausted after spending what feels like decades arguing with people who do not understand anything.

THE appointment of a new prime minister 14 months after it barely elected a different one has Britain once again marvelling at democracy.

A MAN who voted to leave the EU because it is corrupt believes an unfeasibly large number of people and institutions are dishonest.

A WOMAN believes popular brands of sportswear such as Adidas and Nike are designer clothing.