Society

BRITAIN’S enthusiasm for firework displays is really about avoiding extortionate heating bills, it has been confirmed.

UKIP has called for the abolition of openly gay fencing.

HOLDING reasonable, considered political opinions is now only for total shithead idiots who should shut the fuck up forever.

THE Danish art of liking pleasant things is a load of fyckinge wynk, it has been confirmed.

MULTI-RACIAL Britons are united in thinking the Daily Mail is full of shit.

A WOMAN moved to tears by the Pride of Britain awards is also pleased about new benefits cuts.

A MAN uses the expression ‘al dente’ wherever possible, it has emerged.

PEOPLE using their phones on speaker are highly likely to be discussing some irritating bullshit, it has emerged.

THE BBC has launched a thought-provoking investigation into whether all white people enjoy camping.

PEOPLE contemplating an inquiry into the ‘Battle Of Orgeave’ have been broken up by mounted police.