Society

A MAN has called in sick today so he can properly enjoy the mountain of roast lamb and vegetables in his fridge.

A MAN has tried to just play it cool after drinking from a can that had been used as an ashtray.

A WOMAN has unveiled her new middle class status by eating crisps from a bowl.

A FATHER-OF-TWO has told his children that instead of a novelty tie or beer mug he would prefer the cash equivalent this Father’s Day.

A REGULAR commuter to central London has outraged her partner by planning to return to the city tomorrow for leisure purposes.

A WOMAN has expressed dismay after the news that she is having her fourth baby only got 36 ‘likes' on Facebook.

MUM Mary Fisher never admits to being out of the house on social media in case she gets burgled.

A MAN uses the meaningless word ‘bosh’ after doing even the simplest thing, it has emerged.

FEMALE body hair is a massive turn-off for virgins, shallow narcissists and picky twats, it has emerged.

A MOTHER has finally got around to finishing reading her now grown-up daughter’s teenage diaries.