Society

A WOMAN has successfully completed the week without giving a toss about the Brangelina split or the cake show.

A 45-YEAR-OLD old man is deeply committed to saying he is a socialist.

A BREXIT voter will not be happy even if leaving Europe works out, because of her bad personality.

TATTOOS may stop you getting a job if they are dated, unimaginative or simply shit, it has emerged. 

WAYNE Hayes had his best first date ever after completely concealing the majority of his personality, he confirmed.

AN OFFICE worker has been cracking jokes about his lack of output in an attempt to make it acceptable.

A WOMAN has ventured outside without moisturising her face, it has been confirmed.

A MAN believes he has captivated the room with a tedious story about how great he is.

AN elderly man has confirmed he will be silently judging everyone who is using a smartphone on the train when they should be looking at the lovely scenery.

AN INSUFFERABLE London-based interface designer claims to have surfed into his workplace from his Hertfordshire home.