Society

A TOURIST claims his rucksack acted independently when it smashed into the faces of fellow passengers on a crowded train.

A NIGHTMARE psycho bitch won’t let her boyfriend get hammered every night, his friends have confirmed.

A COUPLE who met in a pub are telling everyone they got together online so as not to seem like social misfits.

A TRAIN strike has left commuters with about the same chance of getting to work as usual.

A WOMAN has made sure to mention that she'll be on holiday when answering a friends event invite on Facebook.

A 22-YEAR-OLD man who first heard about blue British passports in today’s Sun is now demanding one as his patriotic right.

A PARTY has ended in humiliation for the host after a much better musician picked up his guitar.

A WOMAN who claimed to take a controversial position to stimulate debate is actually just annoying, it has been confirmed.

PEOPLE renting out properties on Gumtree are to be made to take a test to determine whether not they are maniacs.

A MAN has announced he will be arriving home drunk around three in the morning and then burning the shit out of a frozen pizza.