Society

ARE you able to express yourself naturally and directly with no hint of apology? How dreadful. Here’s how to politely fail to say anything in a middle-class way instead:

IT’S Black History Month, so white people who couldn’t give a f**k the other 11 months of the year are suddenly history buffs. Let fork-lift driver Stephen Malley run you through it.

The last thing anyone wants is a spontaneous chat with someone they know. Here's how to avoid unnecessary interactions with acquaintances.

NO matter how beloved the friend, their wedding is loaded with twats and the following people will insist on being in attendance.

HAVE you been cornered by a nutter who believes Donald Trump is the secret saviour of trafficked children who are imprisoned in the basement of pizza shop?

ARE your beliefs a pack of nonsense which conveniently fits with your own prejudices? Check if they’re any of the following. 

BRITAIN is almost feeling sorry for the plight of students for the first time since records began, it has emerged.

A TWAT has challenged the concept of Black History Month by asking why there is not one for twats like himself.

ARE you a Conservative politician baffled by the mysterious Geordie folk? Tory MP Norman Steele explains everything about these fascinating creatures.

MEN are increasingly limiting their mid-life madness to buying bikes they do not really want, it has emerged.