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Wood burning stove brings authenticity to middle class man's life

THE purchase of a wood burning stove means that a middle class man’s life is no longer superficial.

36-year-old web designer Stephen Malley found that he is much more real and grounded since buying a stove that wood goes into.

He said: “I’ve got a heap of logs. Logs made from trees. Actual trees, from forests.

“I handle the logs.”

Malley had been concerned that his desk-based job, consumerist lifestyle and inability to stop thinking about money had left him somehow removed from the natural world.

He said: “Now that I’m burning wood on a regular basis, I feel that I’ve returned to a primal state. A sort of rugged innocence, if you will.

“I am basically a caveman, except my cave is a house that has an Apple product in every room and several large books of contemporary art prints.

“Next thing is to buy an axe, although I need to call the council first to find out if I need an axe license.”

Brooks and Coulson 'paid each other to talk about affair'

FORMER News of the World editors Rebecca Brooks and Andy Coulson only discussed their intercourse after paying each other five-figure sums, it has been claimed.

The High Court in London heard the pair had a passionate six-year affair, but only exchanged affectionate statements or love letters after signing contracts and then hiding each other at a four star hotel near Watford.

Emails revealed that Brooks contacted Coulson saying she wanted to tell him everything about his ‘bedroom prowess’ but it would cost £50,000.

In return, Coulson said the money would only be payable if Brooks agreed to a ‘world exclusive’ and a photo of her in her ‘bra and pants’.

In one email Brooks said: “I have been having an affair with a senior journalist at the News of the World. For the right price, I am willing to not only tell you that it’s you, but go into very explicit details about how you can go all night long.”

Coulson replied: “I am very interested in this story. Can we guarantee that no-one else will get hold of it before Sunday? I’m thinking in particular about your scary husband, Ross Kemp.”

The court heard how the same £50,000 would be transferred back and forth between the two lovers up to three times a week.

But the pair were almost caught when the News of the World carried a small advert saying, ‘Do you have a story about shagging the editor of the News of the World? Call the editor of the News of the World now!”

In another exchange, Coulson told Brooks: “I had the most amazing sex with a insatiable redhead last night. I want to talk about it but I need to know I will be ‘looked after’.”

Brooks replied: “The money is no problem, but I need something that’s going to set the agenda for the rest of the week.

“For instance, was one of us dressed like Captain Caveman?”

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