Thirtysomethings make half-hearted plan to meet up

SOME friends in their mid-thirties have made a vague, doomed plan to have a drink.

36-year-old Tom Booker called 38-year-old Stephen Malley to arrange going to the pub the following week.

Malley agreed that this was a good idea and that despite needing to check with his wife it would “be fine”.

Booker said: “I didn’t suggest a venue as that seemed a bit heavy. I just sort of left it that we would speak again.

“To be honest, during the conversation I started to wonder whether it was a good idea. It’s nice to see friends but going out is so tiring.”

Malley said: “Initially I was enthusiastic. I even suggested calling some other people, although I didn’t go so far as to name them.

“The upshot was that we both agreed that we were theoretically into going to an unspecified place, possibly as part of a larger group, on an unspecified date.

“It’s never going to happen.”

Booker said: “I think I’ll just not call him and hope he doesn’t call me.

“Somehow this all really makes me think about death.”

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Cancer (21 JUN-22 JUL)
No, lying in the garden with some secateurs doesn’t make you a landscape gardener. And if you stand up you’re not a portrait gardener, either.

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG)
This weekend, why not stand outside a Hoxton coffee shop with small bottles of Immac marked ‘Beard lotion – free sample’?

Virgo (23 AUG-22 SEP)
Your love of writing, dormant after years of work, marriage and family commitments, emerges once more. You’re just struggling to find a rhyme for the phrase ‘crippling divorce settlement’.

Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT)
On Monday you’ll have a urine test for LSD which you will pass with flying colours.

Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV)
Your favourite Goldie Hawn film that’s also an extreme way to get your girlfriend to dump you is Banger Sisters.

Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)
This week you’ll meet a wheat intolerant vegan atheist who tells you about it so quickly you travel back in time.

Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN)
Why not spice up the next family gathering by slipping a few naked photos of yourself in the coat pocket of your cousin’s partner?

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB)
I’m not sure what Shakespeare play you think you saw last year but I don’t remember any of them featuring a rap battle between CBBC presenters.

Pisces (20 FEB-20 MAR)
You hired a cleaner to come in for a couple of hours a week back in March and this week they finally get the toilet looking presentable.

Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)
No word from Channel 4 on your drama about a serial killer that buries body parts in various places called Location, Location, Location.

Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY)
Tomorrow, somebody in the bus queue will call you an egomaniac. You won’t hear them use your name but it will be obvious they were talking about you.

Gemini (21 MAY-20 JUN)
Press the red button for…look, just press the red button. PRESS IT.