A MAN who regularly gets into fights while drunk would never get involved with dangerous drugs like cannabis, he has announced.
Scaffolding contractor Julian Cook regards drugs as a scourge on society, unlike his favourite recreational activity of getting blackout drunk and hitting people.
Cook said: “I feel sorry for people who need to take drugs instead of just going out and having 10 to 15 pints of strong lager. There must be something seriously missing from their lives.
“I’ve seen what drugs do to people, making them sit around laughing or deciding to dance a lot. They’re just in no fit state to twat someone if they look at you funny in a kebab shop.
“I’d never take drugs because I don’t like being out of control, although admittedly last weekend I woke up in a police cell and had somehow lost my shoes.”
Acquaintance Martin Bishop said: “Julian is a menace to bouncers, cab drivers and chip shop owners, but because he doesn’t take drugs he thinks he’s Jesus.
“The thick bastard actually believes if you have a spliff you’ll hallucinate a giant orange coming to eat you.”
