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Son feels like he's forgotten something

A SON has got the nagging feeling that he has forgotten to do something important today, it has emerged.

Tom Booker, 34, cannot shake the idea that he was supposed to spend his Sunday doing something more pressing than lying on the sofa and catching up on The Mandalorian.

Booker said: “Was I meant to go to the dentist? Did I have a haircut booked? Nah, they’re both closed today. Christ, what could it be?

“It’s not the oven, that’s off. And I’m all up-to-date with my tax so I don’t have to worry about that either. Could it be a work thing? I’ll have to wait until Monday to find out.

“The car’s not due an MOT and my brother’s engagement party is next weekend. I even messaged my mates to make sure we weren’t supposed to meet up. I don’t know why they all said ‘obviously not’, but at least I can rule that out.

“Oh well. If it was truly important, like a birthday or an anniversary, I would have set a reminder on my phone. Guess it must be nothing. Looks like I’m free to kick back, relax, and spend my day binge-watching. Bliss.”

Tom’s mum Emma said: “He’s got until midnight. After that, I’m writing him out of my will.”

Sparking up in the kitchen: How to be a pain-in-the-arse dinner party guest

BEEN invited to a friend’s for dinner? Here’s how to get right on their tits with some deeply annoying and socially inept behaviour:

Spark up while they’re cooking

You resent the smoking ban in pubs and restaurants so it’s nice to go to someone’s home where such draconian nanny state rules don’t apply. They hate smoking but don’t let that stop you lighting a fag right next to the semi-prepared food. You’re considerate enough not to flick fag ash on the floor, so that spoon rest next to the cooker will make an ideal makeshift ashtray.

Don’t take any booze

They’re the hosts, which means the onus is on them to provide food and booze so don’t bother picking anything up en route. Turn up empty-handed and knock back a bottle of their vintage Beaujolais before the starters even make it to the table. They won’t mind your lack of social etiquette and will be delighted to see their guests getting into the party spirit. And if they don’t, why the hell have they invited you over?

Loiter in the kitchen

They’ll be perfectly at ease exchanging banal chit-chat while simultaneously juggling three simmering pans, checking the beef bourguignon and picking meat from a crab. In fact, it’s bloody good of you to keep them company while they slave away. Just be sure to position yourself right in the way of everything they’re trying to do to ensure you have their full attention.

Share your troubles over the dinner table

Dinner parties are all about convivial chatter, so everyone is bound to be fascinated as you regale them with tales of how under-appreciated you are at the office and the development of your athlete’s foot infection, especially while they’re trying to eat. Avoid boring conversation killers like asking how their kids are, nobody wants to hear that shit when they could be hearing your deliberately provocative opinion on the government’s immigration bill.

Overstay your welcome

The other guests politely grabbed their coats, offered profuse thanks and left just after 11pm, the lightweights. Yes, your hosts look knackered after spending all evening entertaining, but they’ll get their second wind soon. It’s only 1.27am after all.

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