MORONS love to try and sound like professional psychiatrists by bandying about psychological terms they don’t understand. Here are some of the more annoying ones.
Sociopath
Not long ago someone suggested workplaces were full of sociopaths, so idiots decided that meant any boss who was just a bit of a git. Actually refers to a serious absence of normal morality, so maybe lay off the diagnoses until your manager starts collecting co-workers’ heads in a sack.
Narcissistic personality disorder
A specific and harmful condition, often with controlling, delusional or stalkerish overtones. But don’t let that stop you using it to describe anyone who, in your ‘professional’ opinion, is too big for their boots, eg. ‘Steve’s bought an Audi that’s better than my car. Total narcissist.’
On the autism spectrum
Wrongly applied to people who are very methodical compared to disorganised bastards. In an insult to sufferers whose lives are disrupted, some idiots casually claim to be autistic themselves because they like the idea of having special powers like Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man. (Hollywood films are, of course, a great source of medical knowledge.)
Hard-wired
As in ‘We’re hard-wired to do X’, where X is your own questionable behaviour, eg. ‘We’re hard-wired to stock up on calories’, which means ‘It’s not my fault I ate an entire 12-pack of Wotsits’. The same people will chuck in buzz-phrases like ‘lizard brain’, which can at least be sadistic fun if you innocently ask them to explain in front of a group of people.
Schizophrenic
Can be offensive on various levels. Firstly, use it to describe very trivial contradictions: ‘She said she’s trying to save money, but she’s just bought a new coat!’ Also, it doesn’t mean having a dual personality like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. Luckily, overworked NHS psychiatrists do not have their caseload added to by Gothic horror mad scientists.
Anxiety
The amateur psychiatrist should never differentiate between the actual condition of irrational, exaggerated worrying and THINGS YOU SHOULD BE F**KING WORRIED ABOUT. Anxiety about exams, a court appearance or being confronted by a mental-looking, massive dog in the park may in fact be perfectly healthy, even helpful.
