NURSES are leaving the NHS in record numbers because they are already minted, it has emerged.
Despite claiming to receive increasingly shitty pay from the government for doing some of the hardest work imaginable, the average nurse’s starting salary is in fact £1,200,005 per year excluding overtime and a free sports car.
Midwife Linda Thompson has spent 20 years bringing thousands of lives into the world, but has decided to quit the profession to enjoy her riches.
She explained: “I live like a rapper when I’m off duty. It’s champagne and shit-hot toyboys all the way. If you don’t already have a Porsche 911, I would highly recommend it.
“My leaving is nothing to do with the wanton destruction of the NHS and betrayal of everything it was created for. It’s just time for me to chill.
“I’ll be on my private island if you need me.”
Mental health nurse Wayne Hayes, who has spent years helping the most vulnerable in society, is also planning to make the most of his fortune before deciding on his next move.
He added: “I’m off to buy some £900 leather trousers. Catch you later.”
