Saying something incredibly f**king stupid now 'starting a debate'

MAKING an unbelievably stupid statement just to be annoying is ‘starting a much-needed debate’, idiots have asserted. 

People claiming anything from ‘feminism is cancer’ to ‘hot dogs are a sandwich’ have described the resulting, inevitable argument as an important discussion that it was necessary to have.

Twat Nathan Muir said: “I think women should not be allowed to drive large cars because of their weak arms and small eyes which give them a limited field of vision. Also, why not bring back child chimney sweeps?

“The storm of hatred following these remarks proves that as a society we badly needed to have these debates and I’m a thought leader for beginning it.”

Helen Archer agreed: “Should we make all laws ‘opt-in’? According to thousands of people on my Twitter feed no, but those voices wouldn’t have been heard if I hadn’t set the ball rolling.

“I wonder what we should debate next. I have lots of shit-thick ideas.”

Has Brexit already happened? Take our test to find out

IN the confusing modern world it can be hard to tell if Britain has already left the European Union, so why not take our quick test to find out.

Can you go and work in Europe?

A. Of course I can.

B. Of course I can. Cash in hand, on the side, with no rights and as long as I can get over that massive dry stone wall we built around Dover.

How much does a nice bottle of Italian wine cost?

A. You can get a really nice bottle for less than a tenner I think.

B. Depends what you are paying with – blood, sexual favours or Manchego cheese are all options.

Are you still protected by the Human Rights Act?

A. Of course I am.

B. As soon as Brexit happened, Prime Minister Johnson printed it off and shoved it down the collar of his shirt as a napkin, pouring the last of the tariff-free champagne down his throat while laughing maniacally.

Mostly As – Brexit has not happened. Or you may be in some Brexit-themed version of The Matrix where Jacob Rees-Mogg presides over a vast chamber full of cryogenically frozen Remainers and you have chosen to live in the illusion.

Mostly Bs – Several months after you stopped reading the news, Brexit quietly happened. Also they have captured a live yeti and confirmed that dark matter is made of angels. And there’s a public traitor-hanging in Hyde Park tonight, if you fancy it.