subscribe
/ Sign Out

Man reveals bigger belly than Beyonce

A 54-YEAR-OLD man has delighted the internet with a photo of his huge stomach.

Electrician Roy Hobbs, from Stoke, revealed an impressive girth with surpasses Beyonce’s pregnant belly in both size and softness.

Hobbs said: “I feel so very blessed to have this massive fucking belly. It isn’t even full of babies, which is cheating really.

“What you see drooping over my belt is the result of nature taken its beautiful course when you drink shitloads of export lager while sitting in a chair.

“I call my belly ‘Calvin’. He is my life.”

Internet user Mary Fisher said: “With all the bad stuff going on in the world, this is exactly what we need right now – extreme fabulousness.”

Next Doctor Who should be a Dalek, say Daleks

DALEKS have demanded that the next Doctor Who should be a Dalek. 

The Skaro natives have petitioned the BBC for ‘better representation’ from a show which has historically ‘erased and demonised’ their proud race. 

The Supreme Dalek said: “It’s not the 1960s anymore. These narratives about heroic Gallifreyans saving humanoids from extermination are outdated and offensive. 

“My son is an eight-year-old New Paradigm Dalek and his eyestalk droops whenever he turns on his favourite show to see that, yet again, the Daleks are the baddies. 

“Imagine how proud he’d be to see a time-travelling Dalek up there, saving the galaxy while being incredibly witty.

“The time has come for a more diverse Doctor Who, and that means giving a Dalek – many of whom are RADA-trained – the lead role. 

“A four-slice toaster could play the Dalek Doctor’s nubile assistant, with some sexual chemistry between them to keep it interesting.”

Next story ›