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Brexiter who talks about ‘sunlit uplands’ reminded he sounds like a psychopath

A BREXIT supporter who thinks Britain is entering the ‘sunlit uplands of a golden age’ has been reminded that it makes him sound insane.

Friends have told Martin Bishop that while it is okay to be upbeat about things, using phrases such as ‘bright new dawn’ is, at best, extremely weird behaviour.

Bishop’s friend Tom Logan said: “If we’re lucky economic growth and unemployment will be roughly the same, public services will continue to be rather patchy and we’ll all just trundle along and make the best of it.

“But, either way, who the fuck actually talks like that?

“If Britain’s future trading arrangements with the European Union make you go all misty eyed and poetic then you might want to consider the possibility of professional help.”

Logan added: “Martin, seriously mate, either sort it out or just keep it to yourself. You sound like a lunatic.”

Man who is not pedantic about tea 'should just go and live in Europe'

A MAN has been shunned by his colleagues for not caring whether tea is made in exactly the right way.

Stephen Malley, from Peterborough, believes tea is ‘just a drink’ and does not mind if it is pale beige or dark brown. Sometimes even forgets to drink it.

Colleague Nikki Hollis said: “The tea run is what makes work even vaguely bearable, but Stephen doesn’t give a shit

“We don’t even ask him to make it anymore because he just returns with nine cups of insipid lukewarm nonsense and shrugs when Emma asks if he’s remembered to put goat’s milk in her Waitrose own-brand Earl Grey.

“He should go and live in Europe where no one can make a decent cup of tea. I didn’t vote for Brexit but people like Stephen make think Nigel Farage is right about everything.”

She added: “Sometimes I ask myself if it’s a bit depressing that I fetishise about a hot drink. But then I realise I’m staring into the abyss and I think about Hollyoaks instead.”

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