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Black Friday and Cyber Monday followed by Broke On Arse Thursday

MILLIONS of consumers are regretting their actions on the brokest day of the year.

Across the UK, big spenders are sitting with their head in their hands, wishing they hadn’t got themselves in the shit again.

Joseph Turner of Nottingham said: “I was up at 4am for Black Friday but for Broke On Arse Thursday I haven’t slept a wink.

“Thanks to going a bit mad on electrical equipment I’ve been charged £250 for returned direct debits, £500 for an unauthorised overdraft and £280 for missing a loan payment.

“Those are crazy, crazy prices that I just can’t ignore.”

A spokesman for the UK Banking Association said: “Don’t worry if you missed out this time – further exorbitant charges are available right through the month, and just wait until we double the interest on your credit card in January.”

Public ‘nowhere near ready’ for reversible USB

PEOPLE are today trying to comprehend the ‘reversible’ version of an object known to most as ‘thing’.

Experts stressed that as none of you understand why the existing USB connection works, making it ‘reversible’ will lead to unnecessary confusion and staring.

IT consultant Nathan Muir said: “We should just have started making them without telling anybody.

“No-one would have noticed and there would be no questions.”

Martin Bishop, a computer user from Stevenage, said: “I use the thing to put stuff into the computer, so when I ‘reverse’ it will it take stuff out of the computer?

“And if it does, do I have to make sure that all the little bits of digital electricity are facing the right way before I put them back in?”

Jane Thompson, from Peterborough, said: “If I’m in ‘reverse mode’ will I have to listen to my music backwards to make it sound normal?

“And what about my photographs? Will they still be photographs? Or will they be the opposite of photographs?”

Muir stressed that the reversible USB would ‘neuter the advantage of Apple’s lightning cable’ before realising what he had said and then letting out an anguished sigh.

Bishop added: “What, in the name of God, is a ‘lightning cable’?”

 

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