HER Majesty the Queen was a woman perfectly in tune with her nation and the nation was in tune with her. She would have wanted us to do all these things:
To have a gin in her memory tonight, and tomorrow night, and throughout the mourning period
To bet on the racing at Chepstow tomorrow
To find Royal correspondents contemptible
To sit about not doing a great deal, being waited on hand and foot
To binge watch House of the Dragon and/or Rings of Power in appreciation of the grandeur of monarchy
To renounce all other Kings and Queens as foreign abominations appointed not by God but by His dark reflection Satan, especially the Belgian ones
To put up with the cancellation of football matches which she gave not a bugger about
To gather at Buckingham Palace where she did not live and not to clutter about outside her real house, Windsor Castle
To wait a discreet few days before beginning the epic, lifelong castigation of the Duchess of Sussex
To wish her eldest son the best while expecting to be disappointed
To consume only products that are By Royal Appointment, including Golden Syrup, Quaker Oats, Tabasco sauce and Twinings Breakfast Tea
To watch Frozen Planet II with fellow national treasure Sir David Attenborough on Sunday night
To treat Australians and Canadians as real people and their countries as valid
To unveil a plaque outside a public building
To wear an outfit once and then put it in the wardrobe forever
To forthrightly tell prime ministers what you really think of them and their idiot plans for your country
To say the right thing in public and only say what you really think on the group chat
To have a day off week after next
