Science & Technology

AVERAGE human intelligence will soon be surpassed by that of a toasted sandwich maker, experts have claimed.

A BRAIN implant inspired by the film Avatar gives recipients an incredibly simplistic moral outlook, it has emerged.

OUR shared reality is to be turned off and started again after becoming glitchy and confusing.

BEING gay is caused by genetics, as well as the natural desire to make Christians furious.

BRITISH oxygen molecules that drift into an independent Scotland must be sent back immediately, it has been claimed.

KRISPY Kreme doughnuts are weird because they come from Mars, it has emerged.

BRITAIN is to celebrate the legacy of Isambard Kingdom Brunel by deciding which parts of it should be permanently under water.

THE Sellafield nuclear plant has been closed so the reactor can be used to make a super-villain out of stolen Pope blood.

TALL researchers have concluded that short men are inferior in every possible way.

FEMALE scientists have unearthed a swarthy, blue-eyed Mesolithic hunter they believe was the first hot man.