Science & Technology

SCIENTISTS are 100% more likely to state the obvious while drunk, it has emerged.

PLANS to clone a woolly mammoth have been dismissed as incredibly stupid and shit.

AS self-driving vehicles become a reality, their creator has revealed he was inspired by the notion of being able to masturbate while travelling on a busy road.

THE 'New Earth' has a temperate climate, liquid water and is probably teeming with unbearable arseholes, scientists have claimed.

A STICK picked up on a cycle path near Stoke may be the finest ever found, it has been claimed.

NASA'S redesigned Mars rover is the new status symbol for middle class Britain.

CARBON dioxide has resigned from being a gas, it has been confirmed.

THE notion of a so-called 'darknet' has confounded those who were sure the normal internet represented the very depths of human depravity.

A VIDEO of the female brain during orgasm proves it is far too complicated to be bothered with.

SCIENTISTS monitoring the airwaves for signs of intelligent life on planet Earth have finally given up, it has emerged.