Science & Technology

THE cancer which claimed Christopher Hitchens was either random or stupid, it has been confirmed.

THE particle named after God last night stressed it was not religious in any way.

SCIENTISTS are 100% more likely to state the obvious while drunk, it has emerged.

PLANS to clone a woolly mammoth have been dismissed as incredibly stupid and shit.

AS self-driving vehicles become a reality, their creator has revealed he was inspired by the notion of being able to masturbate while travelling on a busy road.

THE 'New Earth' has a temperate climate, liquid water and is probably teeming with unbearable arseholes, scientists have claimed.

A STICK picked up on a cycle path near Stoke may be the finest ever found, it has been claimed.

NASA'S redesigned Mars rover is the new status symbol for middle class Britain.

CARBON dioxide has resigned from being a gas, it has been confirmed.

THE notion of a so-called 'darknet' has confounded those who were sure the normal internet represented the very depths of human depravity.