Marijuana use linked to productivity

THE release of Snoop Dogg’s 11th studio album is evidence of a link between marijuana use and prolific work rate, experts have claimed.

Self-confessed cannabis user Dogg recorded latest CD Doggumentary while simultaneously juggling an acting career, high profile media appearances and producing his own Doggy Biscuitz range of merchandise.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “The speed with which Snoop manufactures his laid-back musings on ghetto life beggars belief, especially when you consider his packed schedule outside of the studio. Plus he invented the suffix ‘-izzle’, it’s almost like he’s superhuman.

“Couple this with the fact that Method Man has also gotten a lot done and you have a compelling case for the use of high strength marijuana as a key factor in increased work rate.”

A spokesman for Snoop Dogg said: “I’ve never seen anyone work as hard as Snoop.

“He rises at 5am each day on the dot and has a blunt with some grapefruit juice before hitting the gym, where he does 45 minutes of intensive cardio and either upper or lower body strength training.

“By 8am he’ll be in the office, working with colleagues like Kurupt and Daz Dillinger to brainstorm lyrics, jotting them down on a whiteboard. During this process more blunts will be smoked.

“Snoop will work through until midday without a break, then it’s time for lunch, which is really just more blunts.

“Then it’s off to the studio for another 10 hours of recording. Further blunts will be smoked during this session.”

He added: “Snoop personally favours the mad hydro shit with the big orange crystals in it, although he will alternate between weed and resin if he needs extra energy, for example when he’s on a deadline and needs to work through the night.”

Power thinking, with Dr Morris O'Connor

Power pets.

Most people love pets. They buy them for company, for something to cuddle or in the case of my friend Ed to prove that lizards are harder than rats.

I’ve had a terrible fear of animals since I woke up as an 11-year-old to see an un-tethered ghost horse in my bedroom. Although, when I turned the light on, it became apparent it was just my Midland Griffin Savers sports bag hanging on the wall. In the darkness it looked convincingly like a sinister equine apparition. Despite my fear of any creature that doesn’t wear shoes or have conversational French, I learnt that animals can be hugely useful power tools. I’m not talking about people in crisis weeping on lamas, I’m talking about manifesting extreme business and personal success through acquiring beasts of various shapes, sizes and abilities.

The story of Jonny Z and Tommy Z perfectly illustrates the huge power that can be derived from the smallest of animals. Jonny and Tommy are identical twins, personal trainers and close friends. Despite having had excellent muscle definition for years they couldn’t get investment for their workout concept – T.W.I.N.S: Total Workout In Nine Stages. I suggested it was to do with them only being able to come up with seven stages. I also insisted getting to the gym and showering could not be considered a stage. They still disagree.

They believed that their good looks and physical presence intimidated potential investors. As a fellow alpha male I knew they were onto something, and I admitted to them my first thought when I initially met them wasn’t ‘are they a potential investment opportunity’, but could I take them in a fight. I truly believe that, one on one in the right conditions and assuming we were both barefoot, I could take out Jonny.

The twins had to be softened, made more approachable and it was actually my wife Paew Pang who suggested Jonny carry a mouse in the front pocket of his hooded top. The mouse worked like magic, it was an icebreaker and financially it was extremely low maintenance. The average business mouse only needs 1.3 Protein Plus Power Bars a month. The little mouse made two overly confident and muscled men extremely likable, but be warned mice defecate and urinate at random so keep them off paperwork, laptops and mobile phones despite how insanely cute it looks.

Different animals can be repurposed for different functions, for example if you’re looking to gain attention in a high level business meeting, turtles always kill in the boardroom. For love or romance try furrier beasts like a muntjac or caterpillar and if you’re having problems with an overly competitive colleague a Mongolian death worm in a briefcase rarely fails.

Dr Morris O’Conner is the best selling author of Business Beasts: A Guide To Animals You Can Legally Take Into Meetings.