Woman has valid reason for not closing each of her 47 open tabs

A WOMAN has a legitimate reason for each of the 47 tabs on her computer being open.

Nikki Hollis has provided a robust justification for the existence of each tab, all 47 of which have been carefully chosen and curated over time and most not be closed at any cost.

She said: “This one is my go-to lasagna recipe. As you’ll see it has a five-star rating based on over a thousand reviews and if I shut it, I might never find it again.

“I’ve got the Tesco website open to remind me to do my weekly shop, otherwise I’ll forget to go.

“That one is a 3,000-word feature about why Gwyneth Paltrow is either a total charlatan or completely off her nut.

“I probably won’t get around to reading that article on the Zika virus, but it’s been open so long now that it feels like family.

“That one is just some Italian pornography. Very dirty.”

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What the f**k did you eat last night? Take our test to find out

SERIOUSLY, what the fuck did you eat last night? All you know is that your mouth tastes like Merthyr Tydfil. Take our quick test and see if that gives you any ideas (assuming that you actually want to know what the fuck you ate last night)

Did it have a face?

A. I think it was a burger. I think…

B. God, it did. And it spoke. It wasn’t in English. May not have even been human but it spoke.

Was it from a reputable takeaway place?

A. Yeah, they’re alright in that place. Good reviews online and that. Still not a hundred percent sure if it was a burger or not though.

B. Does the alleyway round the back of a Wetherspoons count as reputable? The Wetherspoons itself certainly isn’t but…

Could you recognise the meat group that it came from?

A. Beef. No, pork. No, definitely chicken. It was a meat burger, I’m like 80% sure of that. Ish.

B. It wasn’t a rat. Rats have much kinder eyes than whatever this thing was.

Mostly As: Don’t worry too much, you just ate something that was probably a burger.

Mostly Bs: You must call an ambulance now. Best of luck.

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