Supervoid ‘is evidence of cosmic graphic design’

THE supervoid was carefully placed to make the rest of the universe look ‘cleaner’, it has been claimed.

Graphic designer Nathan Muir said: “The newly-discovered biggest object in the universe is really just a nice aesthetic touch.

“Leaving that vast blank space really makes nearby nebulas ‘pop’. Too many stellar systems and the whole thing would have ended up looking like a Where’s Wally.

“Whoever or whatever created the universe clearly had a design sensibility, which supports the theory that everything exists just to look nice.

“If there is a God he would be into fancy loom-spun jeans, Wallpaper magazine and expensive little notebooks.”

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Thrilled 'Nessie' hunters eaten by gigantic lizard

FIVE ‘Nessie hunters’ have been killed and eaten after a thrilling encounter with a giant aquatic lizard.

The huge creature emerged from the surface of Loch Ness just after 9am and moved at high speed towards a group of very excited people on the shore.

The sole eyewitness said that in less than a minute the animal, estimated to be 60ft-long, caught and devoured each of the delighted victims in its massive jaws.

Tourist Martin Bishop said: “They were cheering and whooping as its huge head powered through the water. Even when it let out a terrifying screech, they refused to run away.

“One of them was still trying to measure its teeth as he was being bitten in half.”

Julian Cook, of the Royal Zoological Society, said: “It is always best to stay at least 50ft from the shore.

“Nevertheless, it must have been amazing for them after all those years of waiting. And at least we know that the creature does have a taste for human flesh.”

A spokesman for Visit Scotland added: “Loch Ness is an exciting and mysterious place, with a unique atmosphere. And it is still safer than eating undercooked chicken.”

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