Relationships

LOVING parents never tell you their child is an irritating, destructive little shit and instead use words like ‘spirited’ instead. Here are some other euphemisms.

ARE you trying to keep the romantic spark alive with Julian, Francesca or Oliver? Read our foolproof guide to sending a sexy but suitably middle class SMS message.

A CHILLED-OUT girlfriend fully aware that Valentine’s Day is a corporate moneymaking scam expects chocolates and a bouquet regardless.

DO conversations with your parents always veer off into heated, toxic confrontations? Keep chats upbeat with these topics it's safe to discuss.

AFTER almost a year of no human contact, which household items are starting to lead you on for a steamy night of consensual passion?

A MAN who has arrived within a 3.6 mile radius of his house instantly knows that his partner is in a foul mood.

DO you gather strength from your hatred of others, but should have grown out of it by now? Here are enemies you’re officially allowed to have as an adult.

A 27-YEAR-OLD man is already planning the selfish ways he will mark his mid-life crisis to ensure fun for himself and misery for his partner.

A PANICKED woman has texted 28 friends to canvas their opinions on what the ‘hello’ she received from a Tinder match could mean.

COUPLES across Britain have agreed that showering together is neither satisfyingly sexy or cleansing.