Relationships

WANT to make things profoundly awkward between you and your partner this Valentine’s weekend? Try these tips.

THE rock-solid foundation of any successful relationship is a never-ending battle to prove you’re the most shat on. Employ these tactics.

MY boss is the dreamiest man alive. He’s got a high-powered job, he’s the life and soul of every party and recently I seem to always be by his side.

MUM refusing to get off the phone? Cut the call short and save yourself a load of earache with these excuses.

DESPITE the endless alternatives available to him, an unimaginative man has chosen to masturbate while thinking of his girlfriend.

A COUPLE who have been going out for three weeks have pledged to continue having sex every day for the rest of their relationship. 

THE PM’s latest lie came about from helping Carrie’s chum Pen Farthing rescue dogs from Kabul. So could you survive going out with high-maintenance Carrie? Play our interactive game.

A COUPLE who met when they were 16 and have been married for 35 years say they both hugely regret not f**king more people.

PEOPLE who say they feel happier without a relationship are lying to themselves and others, it has been confirmed.

STRUGGLING to please a lady in bed? Never fear, for I, Stephen Malley, expert on women and sex from years of online study, can deliver you to sexual greatness.