COUPLES must be careful what they say or recriminations will follow. Here are five statements to guilt-trip your partner with – or which might be dredged up and used against you months later.
‘You’re just like your mother/father”
This could spark a thermonuclear row then and there. But also a great comment to sit on until you need some ammunition. Comparing you to the man or woman who brought you up at least adequately is not a problem. But your parent might also be boring, tight, nosy, judgemental, outright vindictive or love your sibling more than you. That’s a good kick in the teeth for your partner, and you’re also implying they’re old.
‘You look fine’
Normally dropped at the hectic time of you both leaving the house. ‘Fine’ is obviously damning your partner with faint praise, when it should be ‘gorgeous’, ‘beautiful’, ‘terrific’ or ‘handsome’. A near-silent journey to wherever you’re going will follow, then a row several hours later when the whole thing blows up in everyone’s face. A classic.
‘Of course you can go out’
This concession is normally given about three weeks before the actual event. If you’re really organised you should record it on your phone as evidence for when the eventual interrogation arrives. Because three weeks later saying ‘I’m going out tonight’ will be met with ‘You never told me…’. One of you is wrong, and the seething resentment will last while you go out and still be there when you get back. A real slow-burner.
‘We’ll have sex later’
Postponing a bit of how’s-your-father is bound to leave someone’s feelings hurt. And chances are it means ‘We’re not going to have sex at all’. The disgruntled partner will be disappointed, frustrated and pretty sure it constitutes breaking a verbal contract. And they’ll moan about it. If no sex is likely, probably just best to say so and at least they’ll know QI will be as exciting as the evening gets.
‘And you ask whether I’m annoyed with you’
If the question is ‘Are you annoyed with me?’ obviously the answer is ‘yes’. Just asking it will lead to an outpouring of your vile behaviour, from thinking your partner is stupid to never washing the cheese grater. However it’s worth remembering the follow-up, ‘And you ask whether I’m annoyed with you. What do you think?’ as it’s a great one to have in the armoury.
